When to Stop

Lately I have been thinking about when to stop. As my friend so frequently reminds me with the following phrase: "start at the beginning and when you get to the end - stop".

But where is the end? How do you know?

Sometimes it can be really obvious, but more and more I am realizing that it isn't always so black and white. In a slightly trivial example, I am currently searching for a great hotel to stay at in NYC. Now we are only there for 3 nights and we only have 2 full days and want to maximize our time in the city. There are so many factors at play here, location and price being at the top of the list, but we also want to stay somewhere nice, it is ladies weekend afterall and we want to indulge a bit. So how do I know that a hotel is good enough? If I keep looking maybe I will find a better deal? I don't want to be disappointed!

Similarly, I was just discussing with someone the perils of shopping for a wedding dress. How do you really know that you have found the perfect dress. Some people say that there is just a feeling and you just know. But what if you don't get the "feeling" or you get a lot of "feelings" how do you decide? And how can you be confident that once you commit to a dress you won't change your mind.

Obviously, these examples may seem silly, but this idea applies to greater things as well. I am once again working on my manuscript. Another situation where there is no set completion point. You write a paper, you do your best to make it thorough and credible, but now you need to adjust it to fit the audience you are hoping to submit it to. Does it ever end? There will always be revisions you can make, so how do you know when you are at the end and just STOP?

What does it take to be satisfied?

Perspective

Life happens, how will you handle the curve balls life chucks at your head?

Does everything happen for a reason? Or is that just something we say to make ourselves feel better and justify a situation? I believe there is something to be learned from every life experience, is that the same concept?

Recently, yet again, I found myself with a cancelled flight in my connecting location. This time I was in Minneapolis/St Paul for a full 2 days before I could get back home. At first this seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. The location was not all that entertaining but it gave me time to reflect. After the initial panic and reacting without thinking through all of my options, I started to see the big picture. Aside from the cost that this delay would incur, what did I have to lose being there? Sure there would be some mild issues with time off at work, but in the grand scheme of things, I had nothing planned for the 2 days I was stuck in Minnesota. No one was going to die, the world would continue to spin, life would go on. Besides my job, which doesn’t require my presence, nothing was waiting for me, nothing is relying on me, I have no real responsibility. It made me realize how I have nothing critical going on in my life and despite appearances, I do have a lot of freedom right now.

My financial obligations (rent, bills, etc) quickly make me feel like a prisoner to the daily grind. But this experience opened my eyes to the fact that I can do anything I want right now (within reasonable limits). My current job is temporary, I do want to maintain an income, but losing this job wouldn’t really have a negative impact on my larger life.

As much as part of me would love to just pick up and disappear for a while, I can’t do it without a purpose (or maybe I can?). But I promise that as soon as I find a purpose (or enough courage), I will make the change. Now if only it were that easy, to just let go of the "responsibilities" I have and feel obligated to. But I maintain the hope.

Anyone up for an adventure?

Vacation

Vacation is critical for survival. I think everyone should take the time and make the effort. Maybe you can't afford to galavant across the globe, but even a few days out of the city away from your "daily life" is important so you can relax and recharge.

Proof that vacation does me good:



Quarterlife Crisis

There has been research and discussion as of late, suggesting that the quarterlife crisis is now more common than the midlife crisis. I know I can certainly relate to many things discussed in the following article. I am sure you can too.

Quarterlife-Crisis

Very interesting and enlightening read. Enjoy.

Failure

I am grateful for this day.

Sometimes life can throw a lot at you and it can be a lot to take. My life seems to have established a pattern of all or nothing. When negative things start to happen, it quickly becomes a rapid fire of disappointment, pain, and rejection in various parts of my life, and I am left to try to sort it all out while life carries on with or without me. We often dwell on the overwhelming amount of negativity we experience, especially if it seems constant, and in doing so we can miss the more subtle cues of positivity surrounding us. Maybe you had a bad day, but was every moment of that day bad? Or were there some positive moments tucked in there too?

I know it is not easy to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, time and time again, in order to keep going, especially when you keep getting knocked down. You should not be ashamed of your struggle, but rather rejoice that you have come through it and share it with others. It is ok to take a break from being strong and allow yourself some time to be weak. Personally, I usually end up in the fetal position, crying until I can’t breathe. But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day – what I mean is, an afternoon of crying is not typically followed by a day of being a super hero. The next day should be a small improvement on the day before. For me this means, limiting my crying to short bouts and finding distractions.  Eventually you “get mad, get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand”.

It is exceptionally challenging when you have to struggle and fight in isolation. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, and I am ever so thankful that our paths led us to each other; however, I am very sad that none of these individuals live in the same city as me. But I am also very thankful for technology that allows us to stay connected despite our geographical proximity. I try to focus on the positive, but I know all too well that even that may not be enough. I have a vacation coming up in 16 days, while I am looking forward to it, the prospect of this trip is not sufficient to pull me out of this funk.

What lesson can I learn from my latest series of rejection and failure? Well, if the past is any indication of the future, I will experience these negative funks again and again. And just like the past, I will get through them, maybe a little worse for wear, maybe a little better?

Positive moments today:
- making delicious pasta with fresh zucchini and onions
- being told I am a “whiz” with wedding stuff
- made plans to hang out with my favourite 15 month old this weekend

Friends

I suppose there may not be a universal definition of friendship, as individuals we create our own vision and expectations for things so there may be no real answer to this, but I would like to share my perspective on friendship.

First, I realize that most people only have a few close true friends, and this is where I will emphasize quality over quantity. Beyond that, we have casual friends and then former friends/colleagues, the people you make small talk with when you run into them. Social relationships are part of the human existence. In addition, I am well aware that as life evolves, relationships change. People will come and go in our lives, but the ones who matter will last the test of time.

A friend is someone you can be your true self with, as they say someone who knows you and likes you anyways. I believe that key traits of friendship include, sacrifice, give and take, forgiveness, understanding and communication. A friendship should never be one-sided and they should be nurtured and filled with trust, honesty, sincerity and loyalty. Friends have the intuition to know when something is up and know to inquire and lend their support. A true friend stands by your side, through all of the trials and tribulations that life may throw your way.

My only expectation of my friends is that they make an effort. We live in an era of global communication, it is not that difficult to find ways to stay in touch and reach out to your friends. For those who believe that “busy” is a valid excuse, my response is simply that you have poor time management skills, and as a friend I would offer to help you with that. I am very busy, and I regularly communicate with people who are even busier than I am. If we can make it work, anyone can.

Some may disagree, but I believe that my friendship is an earned privilege and I equally believe that I should earn the friendship of others. The reason that I feel it is a privilege is because I give all of myself to my friends and I do not appreciate those who are undeserving taking advantage of my good nature. Being my friend comes with an impressive benefits package.

Benefits include but are not limited to, unlimited communication minutes, advice when requested and even when not requested, unconditional support, respect, packing and moving services, dog sitting, baby sitting, overseeing home renovations while you are away, private investigation of intriguing individuals, etc. I do all of this and more with the only expectation being that in return, when the time comes and I need something, my friend will return the favour.

To those who are genuine with me, thank you for being a friend.

“Understand that friends come and go, but a precious few who should hold on, work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, for as the older you get the more you need the people you knew when you were young.” – Baz Luhrman

Chaos in Crowds

Once again I am reminded how social norms and graces have faded and we live in an egocentric society, in addition to the fact that general stupidity increases with crowd size.  Here are a few examples based on my recent experiences, particularly during the celebration of Canada Day in Ottawa.

A quick tip for managing yourself in a crowd: planning! Know what you are getting yourself into and prepare for it. Going to Parliament Hill during an official visit by the Duke and Duchess, it was reported that crowds were anticipated to be over 300,000 people. My friends at Environment Canada warned me that it would be hot and sunny. Water, sunscreen, knowledge of my surroundings all provided an enjoyable experience on Canada Day. The crowd was large, and if you wanted to exit the crowd, essentially the only option was finagling your way backwards. Through this:

 This is the only way out. Good luck!

If you have a low IQ, learn to speak quietly. I understand that you might not realize how dumb you sound, but you may want to consider the people in your general network and their level of intelligence, it will likely reflect yours. Typically, in your effort to sound smart and sophisticated, you attain the opposite result. Just because you know it is called a Fascinator, does not impress me, especially when you follow that big word with reference to a maple leaf being a “Canada Leaf”.  

When did being considerate stop being the norm? Cutting in line and thrusting through crowds - who are you? You do not get to bypass protocol. If you wanted to be in a certain place, perhaps you should have planned better. And no, this isn’t Disney, there is no fast pass. If you think about it, it is probably one of the very first things you ever learned in school, how to line up. Our world is filled with lines, and waiting in them, don’t act like this is a foreign concept.

Also, if people are being reasonable, it is unreasonable for you to interfere with what they are doing. Quick newsflash, fireworks happen in the sky, therefore you do not need to stand and block my seated view of them, nor do you need to run toward them.

There is a definite lack of respect in society. Everyone deserves respect. With that said, a certain subset of society that you should pay particular respect to: law enforcement. If you think that mouthing off to a cop is going to get you anywhere other than in cuffs, think again.

Now for a bit of a sub-topic: Kids in crowds.

First I want to share a beautiful commentary on parenting and managing children in public. LZ Granderson made my day with this article. The footnote reads that the opinions are solely those of Granderson. I disagree, since they are absolutely my opinion too!!!

Why would you subject your children to such pandemonium? The Canada Day set up included multiple “lost children” tents. Those are designed for inadequate parents. Does your kid really care what Stephen Harper has to say? Do they want to hear the loud 21 gun salute or fly over? Do they really know who the Royals are? If you want to be part of this event, find a babysitter!

The ULTIMATE pet peeve on this topic: STROLLERS!!! (aka: fortress on wheels, baby SUV, etc.). Where on Earth do you think you are going with that contraption in a crowd that involves being shoulder to shoulder, ass to crotch, in your face with hundreds of thousands of people. This also extends to pets, your dog is going to get trampled. All of these behaviours are simply asking for trouble. Solution: DON’T DO IT.

Moreover, rush hour is not the place to extend some independence to your child. When mass exodus is occurring on public transportation, particularly at the end of the day, pick up your kid and move it. I’m hot, tired, hungry and cranky, I’m sorry if I just whacked your kid in the head with my bag.

Hope everyone had a great long weekend on both sides of the border!