Undoing the Ugly

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you, readers, that what I post here are my thoughts, not yours. You don’t have to agree with what I say, but you know I am right. With that said...

Are you tired of the visual pollution that populates the streets and spaces around you? Do you contribute to this pollution?

I genuinely believe that everyone should love themselves, be proud of who they are and have great self-esteem. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a hot mess. Based on my observations, it seems that if everyone put in just a little more effort, it would go a long way. Society could be significantly less ugly, with small changes.

First and foremost – hygiene. Please bathe, clean yourself and keep everything fresh, regularly. Furthermore, groom - you need to start with a good hair cut. Go to a proper stylist, they will help you. If you don’t want to spend a lot of time fussing with your hair, ask for a low maintenance cut. This is the foundation for looking fabulous. Gents, keep the facial hair under control.

Next, clothes. I promise that you know at least one person who has a good sense of fashion and style. If you can’t figure it out for yourself, ask someone to help you. There are some fashion essentials that can provide the basic structure of a respectable wardrobe. A key concept to wearing clothes that appears to elude many people is a proper fit. Maybe you should watch a few episodes of “What Not to Wear” – they are all about dressing the body you have. I know that sometimes as your body changes, you don’t want to buy new clothes, but believe me when I say you should. Now an important tip for my ladies: Get a bra that fits! There is no reason your boobs should be droopy or lumpy. This is an important investment, so don’t be frugal in this department.

Please keep your pyjamas, sweat pants, crocs, ripped/dirty apparel, etc behind the closed doors of your home.

The extras. Girls if you are going wear makeup, do it properly. Again, if you need help, get a consultation and keep it simple, do not over do it. Same with accessories and anything else involved in creating your “look”. In addition, I know how hard it is to part with some of your favourite things, but it is very important to recognize when something has been around too long to be seen in public.

I’m not suggesting that you change everything and strive to be a super model. This is about modification, and small improvements. You don’t need to be a fashion icon, just presentable.

Keep it pretty people!

The Wedding Series: Bridesmaids

This post is focused on the bridal party, with some comments on budgeting and of course, etiquette!

What a thrill it is to be asked to stand up in a wedding. Unfortunately, sometimes this reaction starts to fade as the countdown to the wedding moves along. We have heard about Bridezillas and even Bridesmaidzillas, I have been fortunate enough to not have to deal with any of these (yet) and I certainly feel for those who have. When someone asks you to be part of their wedding day, most people’s instant response is an ecstatic YES. But is that always the best answer?

Standing up in a wedding is a both a burden on your finances and on your time, sometimes it may not be entirely feasible to be such an integral part of someone’s wedding. There is nothing wrong with saying NO. To date, I have not had to stand in more than 1 wedding per year and I do not envy those who hit the jackpot and are asked to be in multiple weddings within one season. Sometimes it may not be realistic for you to be in a bridal party, maybe there is another way for you to have a special role at the wedding without all of the demands of being an actual attendant.

Brides also need to really consider who they are asking to stand with them and why. It isn’t easy for someone to decline the request of being a bridesmaid, so it is important to note if this person can feasibly do it. Particularly if the bridesmaid is an out of towner (a role that I know all too well), for instance, I only have enough vacation time to travel for one wedding this year. Additionally, it can be difficult to manage and balance emotions and practicality, there is no manual on how to deal with such intricate situations. Be careful whose feelings you hurt in the name of practicality. Your best friend might not look like a model, or be crafty, organized and a total DIY girl but that doesn’t mean you should snub her for the cookie cutter fill in. Remember who is the person that is there for you, through the good, bad and ugly and will most likely be there with you 25 years from now. Cherish that.

Now for some advice on how to successfully manage the journey of being a bridesmaid...

After the initial excitement of the future wedding passes, you will want to discuss with the bride what her expectations are for your role in the wedding and ultimately what you are expected to pay for, and it is important that she recognize and respect the limits of your resources to be part of this event. The sooner you have this discussion, the easier the process will be and you won’t be caught off guard with surprise duties and expenses. Contrary to what the “how to” book or bridal magazine told you the bride and groom should be prepared to bear the brunt of most of the costs associated with the wedding and most related events, especially if they are calling any of the shots. You cannot expect anyone to pay for your events, but you should be very grateful to those who are generous enough to contribute to your costs. Do not subscribe to the grid that states the groom’s parents pay for the booze, the bride’s parents pay for the food, etc. that is not reality. From the outset of your planning, you need to establish a budget that is based on what you can afford and what others are willing to contribute. Once you know what number you are able to work with, let the planning begin and do not get carried away unless you have the dollars to back it up. Your dream may not be your reality. Sorry to burst that bubble.

Wedding traditions have evolved leaps and bounds since they originated, so let me clear up some facts. Once upon a time, an event was held to shower a bride with gifts to prepare her for her new life away from her parent’s home. Currently, many modern brides choose to plan their own bridal shower, and typically the mothers (of both bride and groom) or maybe another close relative will pay for this event. If you expect your bridesmaids to throw your shower, you will have very little say in the event and don’t be surprised if it is a lemonade and tea party in someone’s back yard. Depending on your situation (i.e., if you already have a furnished home with your soon to be spouse) it may be a bit gauche to have a shower at all. Despite the evolution of the bridal shower, some trends are just not acceptable, in particular a money shower. This is a fundraiser, and that is not ok. I am sorry that you cannot manage your finances and have massive debt, or are simply full of greed. You have the opportunity to register for gifts, and even the depths of the registry have evolved, you can register for just about anything now, but it is still not ok to ask for cash. If you really don’t need any gifts then don’t have a shower.

As for the bachelorette party, I will gladly take you out for dinner and drinks, if you have further expectations take it up with your friend who has a money tree. I am not a money pit and I will not expect you to be a money pit on my behalf when the tables turn. Furthermore, said dinner and drinks will not involve penis paraphernalia, absurd games, or tasks that require you to make an ass out of yourself. I have a more refined sense of fun, sorry to disappoint you.

A final comment to all bridesmaids, do not lose sight of what this is about: NOT YOU! Your job is to support the bride, help her plan and organize, keep the peace, lend an ear and shoulder when the planning gets stressful and ultimately wear the dress she picked for you and smile.

The Wedding Series: Intro to Etiquette

It is wedding season, as such I am preparing a few instalments of wedding related posts. Before we get into any specifics or stories, I need to discuss something very important, the corner stone of planning a wedding or any other event. Etiquette.

There is nothing worse than when people do not know proper etiquette and make horrifying and embarrassing errors. Let’s be honest, most people are not well versed in hosting events, therefore you should probably consult with someone, a book, the internet, etc. The resources are there for you, use them. For example, there are certain timelines that you should follow such as when to send invitations, and how soon to send thank you notes (fyi: immediately!!).

One big faux pas is “cash bar” (my how those words turn my stomach). You would not invite someone into your home and ask them to pay to eat or drink. I do not care what honky tonk trailer park you rolled up from, it is NEVER ok to ask people to pay for things. Here come some key words that I may repeat at various times < IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT, DON’T DO IT >. It might be your dream to have a big fancy wedding, but that might not be your reality. For this I suggest 2 things, either wait until you can afford this grand affair OR simplify it to reflect your budget. Do you really need hundreds of guests at this event? I am Italian, it is expected that I will have a big fat Italian wedding, but honestly, there are about 30 people that I truly want to share that day with me. So get back to basics and figure out your priorities.

Something else that I personally find absolutely abhorrent is a little event known by various names: stag and doe, buck and doe, jack and jill, whatever you want to call it, it's trash. This is a party and fundraiser for an engaged couple. Yes, you read that correctly FUNDRAISER.

To be more precise here is a little quote from my friend Wikipedia:

It is not a combined bachelor and bachelorette party, or engagement party, as the primary focus is to raise money for the engaged couple, so their new life together is not started in debt. The intent of a stag and doe is specifically to make a profit. Hosting a stag and doe does not preclude the couple from participating in other wedding-related parties, such as a bridal shower, bachelor party, bachelorette party and so on. In addition to purchasing entrance tickets, guests bid on silent auction prizes, participate in 50-50 draw and purchase liquor.

If you are not appalled by this concept, I do NOT want to be your friend. Please don't ever insult me by inviting me to one of these charity grab events. I am Italian, you know this means you will get a lovely gift from your registry for the shower, and a well stuffed envelope the day of your wedding. If you feel that this is not sufficient, you are pathetic and need to re-evalute your life. Once again, if you can't afford it, don't do it. 

There is no excuse for failing to adhere to proper etiquette. No matter how unique or different you think you are and that your wedding is so different from the norm, someone else has already done it. Do not think that special rules apply to you regardless of what you are doing there IS a proper way to go about things. Please adhere to proper etiquette, thank you.