Good Deeds

Once again, the Christmas season tends to bring out the better and yes sometimes even the worst in people. This time of year there are so many campaigns and efforts for charitable causes that are worthy of your generosity. Again, we shouldn't need a reminder such as the holidays to extend our kindness to those less fortunate, but I too seem to get caught up in the day to day throughout the year that I don't focus on these kind deeds. This year at my office Christmas party we were asked to donate goods for an organization that provides various services for women in need. I felt so blessed (and warm inside) to be able to share and give to this organization.

So next time you see a salvation army kettle, a food drive, a toy drive, take a moment to be thankful for what you have and do what you can to help others. It will make someone's day and probably yours as well. Also, with the Christmas spirit in full swing you may be more motivated to engage in random acts of kindness. Sometimes it can be as simple as complimenting how wonderful someone looks today, holding the door open for the people behind you, paying for the order of the person behind you in the Tim Horton's drive thru (how truly Canadian!).

Take some time today (and throughout the year) to do something nice for someone else, it is amazing how it can make you feel!

Holiday Cheer

Tis the season to eat, drink and be merry! It is also the season where we are compelled to reflect and express our appreciation to others. While we shouldn't need occasions to remind us to be grateful for those around us, we all take the people we care about for granted at times and then can't help but get caught up in the spirit of the season with the warm fuzzies. So as you write your Christmas cards and prepare to make the Yuletide gay, allow me to take this opportunity share a small nugget of wisdom: say what you mean and mean what you say!

Take this time to tell the people who matter to you, what they mean to you and how much you appreciate them. With that said, you can also spare me the gag inducing scripted b.s. that is often spewed out of "protocol" and "obligation". You can't treat people like they are second rate and then at the end of the year put on a dog and pony show to illustrate your "gratitude". It is condescending and patronizing. My suggestion: just be real, raise your glass, wish everyone a Happy Holiday or god forbid a Merry Christmas and get on with it.

Also, remember to make time for the people who matter. While the end of the year is often a hectic time, it is prudent to share in joy and laughter with those who are near and dear to us.

Merry Christmas!

Fa-Fa-Fa-Fashion

Ok, so I am looking for some feedback and guidance on this topic.

I recently made the decision to refocus my wardrobe and collection and start to acquire more high end fashion items. A little material maturation if you will. I'm after key pieces that every girl should have. So I started to make a list of what I want / should get. I know this is a costly endeavour, but I see it as an investment. High quality and classic style will last for years to come. While it will take years to get around to accumulating this collection, this is how it is starting to shape up:

- a few functional and versatile hand bags

- a belted trench (I have an off white one for fall/spring, but could use a winter one)

- a cashmere scarf (likely classic Burberry check)

- Hermès gloves

- a classic timepiece

- a statement piece (jewelry) 

- functional, yet stylish flats

- a killer pair of heels (have my eye on some Choo's)

- the perfect LBD

So now I turn it over to you. What else should be on my list? Any specific examples of things that I have mentioned?

Halp! Thanks in advance.

xoxo

Working for the Weekend

Is everyone working for the weekend? Are they going off the deep end? Are you happy in your current position? If you aren't, maybe it is time for a change. That might be easier said than done, but it is worth trying!

In business, it can become very easy to be controlled by your bottom line and to be blinded from the bigger picture. Of course you want to be productive and profitable, but sometimes you have to spend money to make money. The cheapest and easiest way to get from A to B may not be the best solution if you eventually have to get from A to Z. Look at the innovative companies out there and what they do for their employees, much of their success is due to the fact that their employees are happy and productive. Building a positive and productive climate will help you retain your employees, which is key for long term success.

It isn't always about big, elaborate, over the top ideas. Perhaps small and semi regular incentives can make a significant difference. Recently I read that the number 1 factor in employee satisfaction was having a flexible schedule. Providing flexibility makes it easier for employees to keep up with their lives beyond the workplace and I would assume that subsequently, these people have much less life stress getting in the way of their work. Incentives are a great way to motivate people into action. However, there are caveats: a pizza lunch, or cupcakes might improve your team's dynamic and attitude for the day, but are there any long term effects of a cheap lunch once per quarter? I think not. Don't get too smug, just because you do a nice gesture once. Small incentives and gestures of appreciation can go a long way. Sometimes your situation may limit what you can offer. But if you have the ability to go big, do it! Bear in mind the old adage 'penny wise, pound foolish'. Don't become a victim of your bottom line.

"Once in a while you can squeeze a 70 hour work week from someone if you promise them a big bonus. However, if you want to dedicate their idle brain cycles to the success of the company, if you want them to act as a team and to avoid the pursuit of their personal gain in petty office politics, you need to enable them to win big when the company wins big. When a company decides not to give equity to it's employees, it focuses so much on the short term that it's bound to become irrelevant ten years from now." -YG (In: Next Montreal)

Also, I think it is important to take a chance on those still rising to their full potential. Companies seem so bent on finding the best in the industry, someone with a proven track record, which intuitively makes sense. But that person has already developed their style and methods and may not fit into every situation. Instead there should be a shift in focus to moulding fresh talend to suit your company and team of employees. Everyone wants a guarantee of performance, but there is always a learning curve, no matter how much experience you have.

“Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it” - Thoreau

When to Stop

Lately I have been thinking about when to stop. As my friend so frequently reminds me with the following phrase: "start at the beginning and when you get to the end - stop".

But where is the end? How do you know?

Sometimes it can be really obvious, but more and more I am realizing that it isn't always so black and white. In a slightly trivial example, I am currently searching for a great hotel to stay at in NYC. Now we are only there for 3 nights and we only have 2 full days and want to maximize our time in the city. There are so many factors at play here, location and price being at the top of the list, but we also want to stay somewhere nice, it is ladies weekend afterall and we want to indulge a bit. So how do I know that a hotel is good enough? If I keep looking maybe I will find a better deal? I don't want to be disappointed!

Similarly, I was just discussing with someone the perils of shopping for a wedding dress. How do you really know that you have found the perfect dress. Some people say that there is just a feeling and you just know. But what if you don't get the "feeling" or you get a lot of "feelings" how do you decide? And how can you be confident that once you commit to a dress you won't change your mind.

Obviously, these examples may seem silly, but this idea applies to greater things as well. I am once again working on my manuscript. Another situation where there is no set completion point. You write a paper, you do your best to make it thorough and credible, but now you need to adjust it to fit the audience you are hoping to submit it to. Does it ever end? There will always be revisions you can make, so how do you know when you are at the end and just STOP?

What does it take to be satisfied?

Perspective

Life happens, how will you handle the curve balls life chucks at your head?

Does everything happen for a reason? Or is that just something we say to make ourselves feel better and justify a situation? I believe there is something to be learned from every life experience, is that the same concept?

Recently, yet again, I found myself with a cancelled flight in my connecting location. This time I was in Minneapolis/St Paul for a full 2 days before I could get back home. At first this seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. The location was not all that entertaining but it gave me time to reflect. After the initial panic and reacting without thinking through all of my options, I started to see the big picture. Aside from the cost that this delay would incur, what did I have to lose being there? Sure there would be some mild issues with time off at work, but in the grand scheme of things, I had nothing planned for the 2 days I was stuck in Minnesota. No one was going to die, the world would continue to spin, life would go on. Besides my job, which doesn’t require my presence, nothing was waiting for me, nothing is relying on me, I have no real responsibility. It made me realize how I have nothing critical going on in my life and despite appearances, I do have a lot of freedom right now.

My financial obligations (rent, bills, etc) quickly make me feel like a prisoner to the daily grind. But this experience opened my eyes to the fact that I can do anything I want right now (within reasonable limits). My current job is temporary, I do want to maintain an income, but losing this job wouldn’t really have a negative impact on my larger life.

As much as part of me would love to just pick up and disappear for a while, I can’t do it without a purpose (or maybe I can?). But I promise that as soon as I find a purpose (or enough courage), I will make the change. Now if only it were that easy, to just let go of the "responsibilities" I have and feel obligated to. But I maintain the hope.

Anyone up for an adventure?

Vacation

Vacation is critical for survival. I think everyone should take the time and make the effort. Maybe you can't afford to galavant across the globe, but even a few days out of the city away from your "daily life" is important so you can relax and recharge.

Proof that vacation does me good:



Quarterlife Crisis

There has been research and discussion as of late, suggesting that the quarterlife crisis is now more common than the midlife crisis. I know I can certainly relate to many things discussed in the following article. I am sure you can too.

Quarterlife-Crisis

Very interesting and enlightening read. Enjoy.

Failure

I am grateful for this day.

Sometimes life can throw a lot at you and it can be a lot to take. My life seems to have established a pattern of all or nothing. When negative things start to happen, it quickly becomes a rapid fire of disappointment, pain, and rejection in various parts of my life, and I am left to try to sort it all out while life carries on with or without me. We often dwell on the overwhelming amount of negativity we experience, especially if it seems constant, and in doing so we can miss the more subtle cues of positivity surrounding us. Maybe you had a bad day, but was every moment of that day bad? Or were there some positive moments tucked in there too?

I know it is not easy to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, time and time again, in order to keep going, especially when you keep getting knocked down. You should not be ashamed of your struggle, but rather rejoice that you have come through it and share it with others. It is ok to take a break from being strong and allow yourself some time to be weak. Personally, I usually end up in the fetal position, crying until I can’t breathe. But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day – what I mean is, an afternoon of crying is not typically followed by a day of being a super hero. The next day should be a small improvement on the day before. For me this means, limiting my crying to short bouts and finding distractions.  Eventually you “get mad, get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand”.

It is exceptionally challenging when you have to struggle and fight in isolation. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, and I am ever so thankful that our paths led us to each other; however, I am very sad that none of these individuals live in the same city as me. But I am also very thankful for technology that allows us to stay connected despite our geographical proximity. I try to focus on the positive, but I know all too well that even that may not be enough. I have a vacation coming up in 16 days, while I am looking forward to it, the prospect of this trip is not sufficient to pull me out of this funk.

What lesson can I learn from my latest series of rejection and failure? Well, if the past is any indication of the future, I will experience these negative funks again and again. And just like the past, I will get through them, maybe a little worse for wear, maybe a little better?

Positive moments today:
- making delicious pasta with fresh zucchini and onions
- being told I am a “whiz” with wedding stuff
- made plans to hang out with my favourite 15 month old this weekend

Friends

I suppose there may not be a universal definition of friendship, as individuals we create our own vision and expectations for things so there may be no real answer to this, but I would like to share my perspective on friendship.

First, I realize that most people only have a few close true friends, and this is where I will emphasize quality over quantity. Beyond that, we have casual friends and then former friends/colleagues, the people you make small talk with when you run into them. Social relationships are part of the human existence. In addition, I am well aware that as life evolves, relationships change. People will come and go in our lives, but the ones who matter will last the test of time.

A friend is someone you can be your true self with, as they say someone who knows you and likes you anyways. I believe that key traits of friendship include, sacrifice, give and take, forgiveness, understanding and communication. A friendship should never be one-sided and they should be nurtured and filled with trust, honesty, sincerity and loyalty. Friends have the intuition to know when something is up and know to inquire and lend their support. A true friend stands by your side, through all of the trials and tribulations that life may throw your way.

My only expectation of my friends is that they make an effort. We live in an era of global communication, it is not that difficult to find ways to stay in touch and reach out to your friends. For those who believe that “busy” is a valid excuse, my response is simply that you have poor time management skills, and as a friend I would offer to help you with that. I am very busy, and I regularly communicate with people who are even busier than I am. If we can make it work, anyone can.

Some may disagree, but I believe that my friendship is an earned privilege and I equally believe that I should earn the friendship of others. The reason that I feel it is a privilege is because I give all of myself to my friends and I do not appreciate those who are undeserving taking advantage of my good nature. Being my friend comes with an impressive benefits package.

Benefits include but are not limited to, unlimited communication minutes, advice when requested and even when not requested, unconditional support, respect, packing and moving services, dog sitting, baby sitting, overseeing home renovations while you are away, private investigation of intriguing individuals, etc. I do all of this and more with the only expectation being that in return, when the time comes and I need something, my friend will return the favour.

To those who are genuine with me, thank you for being a friend.

“Understand that friends come and go, but a precious few who should hold on, work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, for as the older you get the more you need the people you knew when you were young.” – Baz Luhrman

Chaos in Crowds

Once again I am reminded how social norms and graces have faded and we live in an egocentric society, in addition to the fact that general stupidity increases with crowd size.  Here are a few examples based on my recent experiences, particularly during the celebration of Canada Day in Ottawa.

A quick tip for managing yourself in a crowd: planning! Know what you are getting yourself into and prepare for it. Going to Parliament Hill during an official visit by the Duke and Duchess, it was reported that crowds were anticipated to be over 300,000 people. My friends at Environment Canada warned me that it would be hot and sunny. Water, sunscreen, knowledge of my surroundings all provided an enjoyable experience on Canada Day. The crowd was large, and if you wanted to exit the crowd, essentially the only option was finagling your way backwards. Through this:

 This is the only way out. Good luck!

If you have a low IQ, learn to speak quietly. I understand that you might not realize how dumb you sound, but you may want to consider the people in your general network and their level of intelligence, it will likely reflect yours. Typically, in your effort to sound smart and sophisticated, you attain the opposite result. Just because you know it is called a Fascinator, does not impress me, especially when you follow that big word with reference to a maple leaf being a “Canada Leaf”.  

When did being considerate stop being the norm? Cutting in line and thrusting through crowds - who are you? You do not get to bypass protocol. If you wanted to be in a certain place, perhaps you should have planned better. And no, this isn’t Disney, there is no fast pass. If you think about it, it is probably one of the very first things you ever learned in school, how to line up. Our world is filled with lines, and waiting in them, don’t act like this is a foreign concept.

Also, if people are being reasonable, it is unreasonable for you to interfere with what they are doing. Quick newsflash, fireworks happen in the sky, therefore you do not need to stand and block my seated view of them, nor do you need to run toward them.

There is a definite lack of respect in society. Everyone deserves respect. With that said, a certain subset of society that you should pay particular respect to: law enforcement. If you think that mouthing off to a cop is going to get you anywhere other than in cuffs, think again.

Now for a bit of a sub-topic: Kids in crowds.

First I want to share a beautiful commentary on parenting and managing children in public. LZ Granderson made my day with this article. The footnote reads that the opinions are solely those of Granderson. I disagree, since they are absolutely my opinion too!!!

Why would you subject your children to such pandemonium? The Canada Day set up included multiple “lost children” tents. Those are designed for inadequate parents. Does your kid really care what Stephen Harper has to say? Do they want to hear the loud 21 gun salute or fly over? Do they really know who the Royals are? If you want to be part of this event, find a babysitter!

The ULTIMATE pet peeve on this topic: STROLLERS!!! (aka: fortress on wheels, baby SUV, etc.). Where on Earth do you think you are going with that contraption in a crowd that involves being shoulder to shoulder, ass to crotch, in your face with hundreds of thousands of people. This also extends to pets, your dog is going to get trampled. All of these behaviours are simply asking for trouble. Solution: DON’T DO IT.

Moreover, rush hour is not the place to extend some independence to your child. When mass exodus is occurring on public transportation, particularly at the end of the day, pick up your kid and move it. I’m hot, tired, hungry and cranky, I’m sorry if I just whacked your kid in the head with my bag.

Hope everyone had a great long weekend on both sides of the border!

Undoing the Ugly

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you, readers, that what I post here are my thoughts, not yours. You don’t have to agree with what I say, but you know I am right. With that said...

Are you tired of the visual pollution that populates the streets and spaces around you? Do you contribute to this pollution?

I genuinely believe that everyone should love themselves, be proud of who they are and have great self-esteem. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a hot mess. Based on my observations, it seems that if everyone put in just a little more effort, it would go a long way. Society could be significantly less ugly, with small changes.

First and foremost – hygiene. Please bathe, clean yourself and keep everything fresh, regularly. Furthermore, groom - you need to start with a good hair cut. Go to a proper stylist, they will help you. If you don’t want to spend a lot of time fussing with your hair, ask for a low maintenance cut. This is the foundation for looking fabulous. Gents, keep the facial hair under control.

Next, clothes. I promise that you know at least one person who has a good sense of fashion and style. If you can’t figure it out for yourself, ask someone to help you. There are some fashion essentials that can provide the basic structure of a respectable wardrobe. A key concept to wearing clothes that appears to elude many people is a proper fit. Maybe you should watch a few episodes of “What Not to Wear” – they are all about dressing the body you have. I know that sometimes as your body changes, you don’t want to buy new clothes, but believe me when I say you should. Now an important tip for my ladies: Get a bra that fits! There is no reason your boobs should be droopy or lumpy. This is an important investment, so don’t be frugal in this department.

Please keep your pyjamas, sweat pants, crocs, ripped/dirty apparel, etc behind the closed doors of your home.

The extras. Girls if you are going wear makeup, do it properly. Again, if you need help, get a consultation and keep it simple, do not over do it. Same with accessories and anything else involved in creating your “look”. In addition, I know how hard it is to part with some of your favourite things, but it is very important to recognize when something has been around too long to be seen in public.

I’m not suggesting that you change everything and strive to be a super model. This is about modification, and small improvements. You don’t need to be a fashion icon, just presentable.

Keep it pretty people!

The Wedding Series: Bridesmaids

This post is focused on the bridal party, with some comments on budgeting and of course, etiquette!

What a thrill it is to be asked to stand up in a wedding. Unfortunately, sometimes this reaction starts to fade as the countdown to the wedding moves along. We have heard about Bridezillas and even Bridesmaidzillas, I have been fortunate enough to not have to deal with any of these (yet) and I certainly feel for those who have. When someone asks you to be part of their wedding day, most people’s instant response is an ecstatic YES. But is that always the best answer?

Standing up in a wedding is a both a burden on your finances and on your time, sometimes it may not be entirely feasible to be such an integral part of someone’s wedding. There is nothing wrong with saying NO. To date, I have not had to stand in more than 1 wedding per year and I do not envy those who hit the jackpot and are asked to be in multiple weddings within one season. Sometimes it may not be realistic for you to be in a bridal party, maybe there is another way for you to have a special role at the wedding without all of the demands of being an actual attendant.

Brides also need to really consider who they are asking to stand with them and why. It isn’t easy for someone to decline the request of being a bridesmaid, so it is important to note if this person can feasibly do it. Particularly if the bridesmaid is an out of towner (a role that I know all too well), for instance, I only have enough vacation time to travel for one wedding this year. Additionally, it can be difficult to manage and balance emotions and practicality, there is no manual on how to deal with such intricate situations. Be careful whose feelings you hurt in the name of practicality. Your best friend might not look like a model, or be crafty, organized and a total DIY girl but that doesn’t mean you should snub her for the cookie cutter fill in. Remember who is the person that is there for you, through the good, bad and ugly and will most likely be there with you 25 years from now. Cherish that.

Now for some advice on how to successfully manage the journey of being a bridesmaid...

After the initial excitement of the future wedding passes, you will want to discuss with the bride what her expectations are for your role in the wedding and ultimately what you are expected to pay for, and it is important that she recognize and respect the limits of your resources to be part of this event. The sooner you have this discussion, the easier the process will be and you won’t be caught off guard with surprise duties and expenses. Contrary to what the “how to” book or bridal magazine told you the bride and groom should be prepared to bear the brunt of most of the costs associated with the wedding and most related events, especially if they are calling any of the shots. You cannot expect anyone to pay for your events, but you should be very grateful to those who are generous enough to contribute to your costs. Do not subscribe to the grid that states the groom’s parents pay for the booze, the bride’s parents pay for the food, etc. that is not reality. From the outset of your planning, you need to establish a budget that is based on what you can afford and what others are willing to contribute. Once you know what number you are able to work with, let the planning begin and do not get carried away unless you have the dollars to back it up. Your dream may not be your reality. Sorry to burst that bubble.

Wedding traditions have evolved leaps and bounds since they originated, so let me clear up some facts. Once upon a time, an event was held to shower a bride with gifts to prepare her for her new life away from her parent’s home. Currently, many modern brides choose to plan their own bridal shower, and typically the mothers (of both bride and groom) or maybe another close relative will pay for this event. If you expect your bridesmaids to throw your shower, you will have very little say in the event and don’t be surprised if it is a lemonade and tea party in someone’s back yard. Depending on your situation (i.e., if you already have a furnished home with your soon to be spouse) it may be a bit gauche to have a shower at all. Despite the evolution of the bridal shower, some trends are just not acceptable, in particular a money shower. This is a fundraiser, and that is not ok. I am sorry that you cannot manage your finances and have massive debt, or are simply full of greed. You have the opportunity to register for gifts, and even the depths of the registry have evolved, you can register for just about anything now, but it is still not ok to ask for cash. If you really don’t need any gifts then don’t have a shower.

As for the bachelorette party, I will gladly take you out for dinner and drinks, if you have further expectations take it up with your friend who has a money tree. I am not a money pit and I will not expect you to be a money pit on my behalf when the tables turn. Furthermore, said dinner and drinks will not involve penis paraphernalia, absurd games, or tasks that require you to make an ass out of yourself. I have a more refined sense of fun, sorry to disappoint you.

A final comment to all bridesmaids, do not lose sight of what this is about: NOT YOU! Your job is to support the bride, help her plan and organize, keep the peace, lend an ear and shoulder when the planning gets stressful and ultimately wear the dress she picked for you and smile.

The Wedding Series: Intro to Etiquette

It is wedding season, as such I am preparing a few instalments of wedding related posts. Before we get into any specifics or stories, I need to discuss something very important, the corner stone of planning a wedding or any other event. Etiquette.

There is nothing worse than when people do not know proper etiquette and make horrifying and embarrassing errors. Let’s be honest, most people are not well versed in hosting events, therefore you should probably consult with someone, a book, the internet, etc. The resources are there for you, use them. For example, there are certain timelines that you should follow such as when to send invitations, and how soon to send thank you notes (fyi: immediately!!).

One big faux pas is “cash bar” (my how those words turn my stomach). You would not invite someone into your home and ask them to pay to eat or drink. I do not care what honky tonk trailer park you rolled up from, it is NEVER ok to ask people to pay for things. Here come some key words that I may repeat at various times < IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT, DON’T DO IT >. It might be your dream to have a big fancy wedding, but that might not be your reality. For this I suggest 2 things, either wait until you can afford this grand affair OR simplify it to reflect your budget. Do you really need hundreds of guests at this event? I am Italian, it is expected that I will have a big fat Italian wedding, but honestly, there are about 30 people that I truly want to share that day with me. So get back to basics and figure out your priorities.

Something else that I personally find absolutely abhorrent is a little event known by various names: stag and doe, buck and doe, jack and jill, whatever you want to call it, it's trash. This is a party and fundraiser for an engaged couple. Yes, you read that correctly FUNDRAISER.

To be more precise here is a little quote from my friend Wikipedia:

It is not a combined bachelor and bachelorette party, or engagement party, as the primary focus is to raise money for the engaged couple, so their new life together is not started in debt. The intent of a stag and doe is specifically to make a profit. Hosting a stag and doe does not preclude the couple from participating in other wedding-related parties, such as a bridal shower, bachelor party, bachelorette party and so on. In addition to purchasing entrance tickets, guests bid on silent auction prizes, participate in 50-50 draw and purchase liquor.

If you are not appalled by this concept, I do NOT want to be your friend. Please don't ever insult me by inviting me to one of these charity grab events. I am Italian, you know this means you will get a lovely gift from your registry for the shower, and a well stuffed envelope the day of your wedding. If you feel that this is not sufficient, you are pathetic and need to re-evalute your life. Once again, if you can't afford it, don't do it. 

There is no excuse for failing to adhere to proper etiquette. No matter how unique or different you think you are and that your wedding is so different from the norm, someone else has already done it. Do not think that special rules apply to you regardless of what you are doing there IS a proper way to go about things. Please adhere to proper etiquette, thank you. 

Trials of Travel

I am back and I had a great vacation! But this is a post about the travel process and as they say life happens when you are making other plans. Some say that when everything goes according to plan, it may make a vacation a little boring, some of the best times and stories come from mishaps and unexpected situations. However, I still want to rant about my latest adventure.

 

As my flight from Barbados to New York was landing, I noticed that the ground was a bit wet, but the weather seemed to be fine otherwise. After slowly waiting to pass through immigration, and then attempting to figure out which terminal I was supposed to be at (with no real direction from any map or other information guide - simply what I was told by the ticket agent back in Barbados), I decided to take the AirTrain to terminal 5, because I think that is what he said. Well it was true, but as I was heading toward security I noticed the flight board listed my connecting flight as cancelled. This must be some sort of mistake, so instead of talking to a ticket agent, I pass through security and head toward my gate, where there are no people and the flight screen is OFF. I then check my email to see that I am now scheduled to fly out Thursday at 3:35pm, did I mention this was Wednesday at 8:00pm. Hmm, this can't be happening, I say to myself. I walk over to the "JustAsk" desk, where I wait behind 2 pairs of cranky people who missed their flight because of their own stupidity after some sort of security breach delayed their flight. I waited patiently, and kept my calm.

 

The lovely employee behind the desk informed me that my flight was cancelled due to weather and that all other earlier flights on Thursday were booked solid. She told me I could find hotel information downstairs near the welcome desk, or attempt to sleep at gate 14 which had 2 "comfy chairs". My only compensation was a $12 meal voucher, that was supposed to ease the annoyance of a now 20 hour layover. Like, I can appreciate my own safety, if a flight is cancelled due to weather, that is fine and I know this is out of the control of the airline. But is a small meal the best you can do over 20 hours? You provide no help in finding accomodations, the earliest flight you can put me on is 20 hours later, like what a joke!

 

After a momentary debate with myself, I realize the price of a hotel room is worth my sanity for the night. I go down to the information center where I am informed that it appears there are no hotel rooms in the area available, but I can try at the curtosy phone. I called over 20 hotels, NOTHING AVAILABLE!!! At this point I had phoned my mother, who was also doing research of her own. Even hotels outside of the airport zone had NO VACANCY. How is this possible, it is a random Wednesday and it didn't seem like an extreme amount of flights were cancelled. I went back and asked the lady about other info for hotels a bit further, or even motels, or B&B's or short term apartment rentals. She looked at me like I was from space. Like WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE HERE? I need accomodations, and your answer is "oh looks like everything is full". Actually, between her and the other employee, their best advice to me, was to go back to terminal 4, since there would be "more stuff to look at".

 

In the end it all worked out for me thanks to being part of a big Italian family: my mother called my father's aunt in North Carolina, for her son in New York's phone number, she then called him and asked if he knew of anything I could do, place to go etc. His answer was to pick me up and take me back to his apartment and put me up for the night. What a relief. I wouldn't mind spending the night in the airport if I had an early flight, but all night and then all day again. No thanks. If anyone is looking for a business venture.. open another hotel near JFK airport! Or maybe airports should consider setting up some sort of hostel type accomodations for people who did not anticipate having to spend a night in the airport and have no funds for a hotel, especially when there are no hotel rooms available!!

 

Seems like customer service still has a long way to go. At least this happened on my return and didn't cut into my time at the beach. Now that I have crossed Barbados off my list, where will I go next?

Message in a Bottle

Well after months of planning and waiting I am finally leaving for my beach vacation. Once all of the actual "traveling" is done, my severe anxiety will subside and I will make the most valiant effort to leave all of my cares behind and just enjoy the moment, relax and bring some serenity to the clusterf*(k that is my brain. A well deserved treat if you ask me!

 

If you need anything, you can send a message in a bottle, I will be otherwise unreachable.

 

 

Don't Stop

So this is going to be one of the philosophical posts I alluded to in my raison d’être. The timing of this is being inspired by the current status of my life and things that have been going on with other people I know.

First of all, what is existentialism? Human existence. The meaning of life. Subjective reality. What is an existential crisis? Answer: my life.

Lately I have been struggling to feel... anything. I am apathetic about everything. My career is nowhere to be found. My job does not stimulate me, the environment is toxic and the pay is embarrassing. My personal life is dry and boring. It is almost summer, an amazing time to be in Montreal – I am not even sure I care.

I am searching for a fire. The fire within me. I can’t seem to find it and my motivation to look has fizzled. I know I want something, I want change. Big changes. I want to feel alive. I am actively seeking some sort of adventure that may possibly give me new perspective, but there has to be a purpose. I have decided that I am willing to drop everything and just go, but where? And why? I believe that once I find a purpose, the rest will follow.

I should feel better knowing that I am not the only one going through this personal journey. But I don’t. I have been a rollercoaster of emotions lately and I am burning out. I have been doing a great job of picking myself up and dusting myself off. It is getting old and I am tired of falling.

I know things will get better and life goes on and blah blah blah. But I am tired. My patience is running thin and I just need something to help keep me going.

To end this post on a positive note, I will share..

some words of wisdom:

The virtue lies in the struggle, not the prize – Richard Monckton Milnes

and a song:

If you wake up and don’t want to smile
If it takes just a little while
Open your eyes and look at the day
You’ll see things in a different way
Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here
It’ll be better than before
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone
                - Fleetwood Mac

Election Day

GO VOTE!

It is election day in Canada. While you might think that this is an unnecessary election, and you might be a bit steamed as to why this election came about, it is still your civic duty to vote. In Canada we have a democracy, which means YOU get a say in what happens in our country.

Nothing grinds my gears more than people who choose not to vote or be educated on current politics. You happen to live in a country that gives you the freedom to make a decision. Non voters need to get out from under the rock they live under and realize how fortunate they are to have this opportunity. You may not like this election. You may not find the politics interesting. You might even struggle to understand how the political game works in Canada. Well guess what... I don't care about your excuses. Take the time to figure it out, ask someone to dumb it down for you, whatever it takes, but make a decision and exercise your right to vote.

You are not that special, unique, too dumb, whatever other excuse you can try to make - to not vote. Polls are open all day (also there were 3 days of advanced polls for your convenience). So get off of your ass and go put an X in a bubble and then pat yourself on the back.

Happy voting Canada! Can't wait to see the results tonight.

Wedding of Royal Proportions

Many people share a strange fascination with the Royals or maybe you watched because it was an event televised around the world. We are all a bit voyeuristic at times, and I mean, this is a real life fairytale unfolding before us all. You know that someplace deep down inside, part of you wishes that you could be part of that world, even for just a day. Additionally, in my situation, I am just a sucker for weddings!

This event was full of pomp and pageantry, but at the same time, beyond what you would traditionally expect from the Royals, there was nothing excessive. I must give praise to Kate for making excellent decisions on all of the details, she really focused on everything having meaning and symbolism.

The cake was full of symbolic representations, but above all, it was a true masterpiece:

I think she has truly grown into the ideal Princess, well technically Duchess of Cambridge. She has taken on a lot of the characteristics necessary to execute her new role. I look forward to see what she will do in the future and of course, what she will wear!

Ok so let's talk fashion:

Obviously the dress was perfection. The optimal combination of classic and contemporary, it was elegant and slightly understated, sheer perfection. Fit for a princess indeed, kudos to Sarah Burton for the design. Personally I would have liked it if her hair was styled up, but hair down suited her just as well.

I like that Will and Kate updated tradition and had a maid of honour and best man. Pippa looked fabulous and what a slammin body, absolutely stunning. Harry looked dashing, but who doesn't love a man in uniform.

Many of the ladies in attendance were rockin Philip Treacy head pieces, more appropriately "fascinators". Beatrice and Eugenie looked a bit like the ugly step sisters, poor girls. The most stunning piece for me was Zara Phillips, what a work of art:

My only complaint - didn't anyone tell the priest he was going to be seen by many, and should maybe consider checking in with the barber this week? Oh and maybe a little less of the dreadful singing.

What a delightful day in the UK. I truly hope these two find true happiness, it is not an easy life as a Royal, but maybe they can bring a renewed sense of optimism and respect for the Monarchy. Their relationship is evidently different than many of other previous Royals, and there is a very important lesson to be learned here - your dream of being a princess can come true!!!

Be Green

This past week 2 causes that are very important to me were given some extra attention. It was National Organ Donor Awareness week and also we had Earth Day. Both of these causes are connected  by a certain theme: reuse and recycle!

Be kind to Earth and minimize your footprint, but also reuse and recycle your body parts! Are you conscious about how your habits impact the earth?? If you are curious there are many tools online that can help you calculate your carbon footprint.

In Canada, over 2000 people receive a life-saving transplant each year, while there are approximately 4000 people waiting to receive a transplant (Scientific Registry of Transplant Recipients, 2009). Have you thought about being an organ donor?

This past week I also had to renew my drivers license, where I received the paperwork to be officially registered as an organ donor. Of course I was quick to sign the paperwork, however in Canada the final decision is left to the family. Have you discussed this with your family? Tell your family about your wishes and encourage others to do the same. You never know, you could end up saving several lives.

Get Shredded

Seeing as I am somewhat of a health and fitness expert (at least that is what my fancy degrees suggest), you would think I have this mastered in my own life. When life gets busy and we get stressed, we often put taking care of ourselves at the bottom of the priority list. Did you know that physical activity can reduce stress? The things we actually need the most, we seem to neglect.

The past 2 years of my life were quite chaotic and stressful, it wasn’t constant, but I can say that was the overarching theme of grad school. I know I neglected my health during the high stress times, even when it was while writing about the positive benefits of physical activity and healthy eating.

Over the month of December I was quite indulgent and packed on a bit of weight. I wasn’t too concerned because previously I would lose my “holiday weight” in no time once I got back to my pedestrian life in Montreal. However, there have been some changes this year. I live in a more convenient area, and do not have to walk as far as I used to, nor do I walk up a steep hill anymore.

This in addition to my extremely sedentary full time job resulted in the weight staying right where I put it.  

Now that I have a little more order in my life I have decided to practice what I preach. I had 2 specific sources of motivation to get me started: lose the weight from last year and get bikini ready for my Barbados trip this spring.

For me natural and organic are the best strategies for optimal health. The best method to weight loss and body change is so simple caloric intake < caloric output. THAT IS IT!

So it was time for a change. After debating different programs and strategies I decided that my road to a healthier life would start with a balanced diet with an intake of approximately 1400 calories a day (slightly below the average intake for a female) and my main source of physical activity would be The 30 Day Shred. The video is based on 3 levels, 10 days each and the movements are based on muscle confusion. It is a highly effective program for a 25 minute workout. I knew committing to regular long workouts was not realistic for me, which is why I chose the Shred. The Shred is based on a 30 day program, but my intention is to do it continuously, with some modifications to keep it interesting and challenging.

By modifying my eating habits and adding a bit more activity a day I did see results. After 2 months here are the changes:

<><><> 

Measurements	14/02/11	17/03/11	18/04/11
Arm	28.5cm	29cm	28.5cm
Thigh	56cm	55cm	56cm
Upper waist	81cm	78cm	73.5cm
Waist	84cm	85cm	76cm
Hips	103cm	98.5cm	93cm
Weight	160lbs	154lbs	147lbs

I am very pleased with the results, but I have to admit, my dedication is starting to wane. I think in part, it is due to my schedule being more variable than before, but no excuses. I have felt great lately and I want to keep it that way.

Playoffs

Another sure sign of spring is playoff hockey. The best teams in the league face off to see who will get to hoist the cup. I will be rooting for my boys from the D, but living in Montreal doesn't make it easy. Habs culture is unprecedented and a little unruly. I have learned to appreciate them. Luckily these teams are in different conferences so I can publicly support both teams until the finals, if they happen to play each other, which seems unlikely at least for this season.

These playoffs mark the 20th consecutive year that the Red Wings make a playoff appearance. I don't know what it is about this franchise, but I can honestly say that I am so proud to be a fan. They have always selected some of the finest people to bring leadership and guidance to this team. From the early days of Gordie Howe, but of the times more relevant to me is the era of Scotty Bowman and now with former McGill alum Mike Babcock bringing strong coaching to the bench. Stevie Y is a legend, of all the athletes from all the sports around the world, he is my number 1, I would go into the plethora of reasons why, but I will spare you the sport psychology essay.

In living rooms, cubicals and pubs across the country, the discussion will be centrered around hockey. Celebrations will be had, tears will be shed, both of joy and sorrow, many beers will be consumed, all in the name of our nations passtime. God bless hockey!

Place your bets people, who will bring home Stanley?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It is my birthday!! I am not letting anything get me down today. I always give myself a free pass on my birthday, indulge with no consequence. Why not, right?  Time to celebrate!

Spring Rain

I think it is official, spring is here and not just on the calendar. I am truly feeling refreshed and that sense of renewal. What a beautiful weekend, warm temperatures, sunny skies, who can ask for more? As a perfect end to the weekend weather, we have rain. For me this is exactly how I want to end my weekend. A quiet evening at home, the smell of fresh rain and its cool breeze through my windows, oatmeal cookies in the oven, a candle burning and a cup of island mango and peach white tea.

I happen to love the rain, particularly storms. Preferably when I can enjoy them from a sheltered place, though sometimes getting caught in a storm can make me feel so alive. One thing I miss the most about home is the crazy storms, those cracks and rolls of thunder that make you think the house is going to shake off of the foundation. Windsor is the thunder storm capital of Canada and I love it. Montreal's storms pale in comparison, although rainstorms seem to last significantly longer here.

I hope everyone had a great weekend, it sounds like the weather put on a good show for many areas. Tomorrow is a new beginning, a new day, a new week, and a new age for me - it is my birthday! Looking forward to a fabulous day, cheers!

Disappointment has a name

Here comes my first (of many, I’m sure) rant on the blog...

I have realized that I am an anomaly in today’s society. I can honestly say that I am reliable and have integrity – can you?

If you make plans, however casual, follow through. Do not even imply making plans with someone if you are not willing to commit. Please respect me enough to not waste my time. Also, if you need to cancel plans, be sure that it is for a good reason. I don’t want to find out that you decided to bail on me, half an hour after our scheduled outing, to go feed the pigeons at the park.

A general tip for everyone, learn to be punctual. No one is interested in waiting for you. Unless you enjoy having people pissed off with you, be on time. To those of you who are chronically tardy, have you ever realized that when group plans are made, you are told an earlier start time than everyone else? Pathetic. If you are always late, maybe you should re-evaluate your planning skills.

Don’t be a pussy, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you want to say NO to something then do it – of course there is a diplomatic way to approach it, but don’t dick people around. Furthermore, cut the crap. I don’t want a song and dance about everything you do. Make your point and get on with it. Actually this leads to my next point: shit or get off the pot. Enough frolicking around in the tulips, if you are going to do something – do it, otherwise stop talking about it and move on.

If someone emails you – respond, and in a timely fashion. Particularly if they have asked you a question. If you don’t have the answer, acknowledge the request and explain that you are either searching for answer or simply don’t have it. This also applies to text and phone messages.

My next point is a tribute to all of my friends who have left our hometown to better ourselves. When we come back to town for a visit, please recognize that we are not home for an infinite amount of time and of the time that we do have, there are a lot of demands and expectations pressed upon it. If you genuinely want to see me, it is up to you to do what it takes to make it work. I have limited flexibility and my time is running out one second at a time. I will not chase after you.

NEWSFLASH: You are not that special, your time is not more important than another person’s. Show some respect and brush up on your manners.

Dancing with myself

well there's nothing to lose, and nothing to prove....

I went dancing last night for the first time in a long time. What an excellent way to forget everything else going on in your life and just live in the moment and lose yourself in the music. It is also a fun way to burn calories! My feet are sore but it was well worth it.

The club is a fun scene, but I must admit I equally love dancing in my living room all by myself. Plus at home there is no risk of being groped by randoms! Bonus =)

So my advice to you is to break out your favourite pair of shoes, make a playlist of songs you love to dance to, and shake it like a polaroid picture.

26

There are just a few days left of being 25 years fabulous. Subsequently, this marks an excellent point in time to reflect on my life and unravel myself into existential thought – I should note that I am not in crisis mode, yet!

As I reflect, I ask myself, “What have I done?” - but I think when we ask ourselves this, we often focus on what we haven’t done and lose sight of what we really have accomplished. Part of my resolutions for living a better life is being positive and always seeing the bright side. However, in fairness to myself, I think I accomplished and did some great things in the past year. Here is a quick recap:

I completed my Master’s degree at McGill University!

I presented at 4 conferences.

I found myself in Toronto; Tucson, AZ; Quebec City; Burlington, VT (twice); Ottawa; Philadelphia, PA; Mont Tremblant – aside from my time in Windsor/Detroit and Montreal.

I celebrated with my grandparents for their 50^th anniversary.

I was a bridesmaid.

I went to a Habs game.

I tried curling for the first time.

Plus a lot of other stuff that made me smile!

Now to continue on this trajectory and continue to do great things. Twenty six get ready, because I am on my way!

26 (twenty-six) is the natural number following 25 and preceding 27
A rhombicuboctahedron has twenty-six sides
The atomic number of iron
The number of miles in a marathon rounded down
The number of bones in the normal human foot and ankle
The number of ounces in a midsized bottle of liquor

Flats of Fury

It is early April, the last of the snow is almost behind us, rain is ever present in the forecast, and I have that renewed energy that comes every spring. One other big change that comes with spring is wardrobe. Time to dig up those fun flirty prints, capris, lighter jackets and flats. Yes, those evil shoes that we have a furious love/hate relationship with. They are so cute and very versatile, you can incorporate them with so many looks.

WHY must they cause so much pain and heart ache? I know that in early spring we must train our feet to get back into spring and summer shoes and build up those calluses. But those flats, the pain they cause is unreal. I have yet to find a strategy when I am in store shopping for flats, to really know how brutal they will be. I bought some new ones recently and I jumped around in them, walked around the store a bit, and decided they might actually be functional. Then yesterday I decided to take a very short walk and break in my newest purchase. I am now in complete agony. The second half of the walk I tucked my pants into the shoes, nonetheless, massive blisters and they burst before I got home.

Despite the pain they cause, I still love them, I can’t part with them and always want to wear them. I give in to the pain every time. This season I will be testing out new strategies to reduce the pain. I will invest in those adhesive pads for the back of the shoes. I was also told that super glue on the skin can work. I have used packing tape on my heels to prevent the friction. The lengths we go for fashion. A good friend of mine has encouraged me to invest in some Cole Haan flats.

If you have strategies to making your flats work for you, please share it with the rest of us!

“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.”  ~The Houghton Line, November 1965  

Raison d'être

Welcome, bienvenue to my lair. My place of seclusion, where I can retreat from the world – wait, this is the internet, who am I kidding. The raison d'être for this is simply to share my thoughts and what is going on in my life; also it is part of a list of goals for this year. As I debated the subject matter of my blog, would it be about food (how cliché), a new hobby or my latest existential crisis? I wasn’t sure there would be enough content with one topic, so instead I am providing a general window into my life and my thoughts.

I must admit my initial reservation about doing this. It seems a bit voyeuristic, not to mention vain. Why does anyone want to read about what is going on in my life? It is presumably because they are desperate to grasp at any viable reason to procrastinate from doing something.

So who am I? Well I am from Windsor, ON and I did my B.A. in psychology at the U of Windsor, followed by an M.A. in health and exercise psychology at McGill. I love food, sports, shoes and traveling. I am currently living in Montreal and just trying to make sense of it all.

Where do I go from here? Feel free to join me on my journey of highs and lows and mostly the mundane.