Make a Memory

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but what is a memory worth?

I was recently uploading a photo album on Facebook with some pictures of my life over the past few months and I realized I didn't have very many photos. But this wasn't because I hadn't been doing anything, quite the opposite really.

In this day of the internet and social media, people are constantly plastering images of themselves for others to gawk at. But it seems that when I am having a good time it doesn't even cross my mind to capture it in an image because I am completely immersed in what is happening around me. So often I get home after a night out / event / general good time and I am reminded that I had my camera in my purse and never once thought to use it and I feel some lingering disappointment. This is somewhat compounded when I see everyone else posting multiple images of themselves out living life. I stop to think if I am really missing out on something... But what are they doing that I am not? Interrupting the flow of a good time? Being distracted by a compulsion to document everything while missing out on so much more? Trying to prove something that isn't true, make a situation seem more interesting than it really is?

I don't have the visual proof that I was doing something awesome, or looking fabulous but I know I was there and I remember how much fun I had, and so do the people who I was with. So if you are interested in knowing how I enjoy myself and my spend my free time, stop trying to live vicariously and come experience it for yourself. I can't promise there will be any photos records of it other than what is burned into my memory, but I can guarantee those memories will be incredible ones.

Restaurants

Recently, I have been doing a bit of celebrating and other adventures that lead to eating out. Being the type of person I am, I like to research restaurants in advance and select a place that fits mood. Needless to say I have been on many restaurant websites lately and wow do I hate them. I don't know who started this trend of restaurant websites needing a big flashy intro, club music, and making them creatively challenging to navigate. How is that a good business model? I actually became so annoyed with one website that I refuse to go to the restaurant on the basis of having a terrible site.

I could go on, but my peeves have already been accurately well documented and illustrated by The Oatmeal, see here.

Additionally, I am really disappointed to say this, but I am concerned by patterns in service that I have been receiving lately. Generally, most bars and restaurants that I have frequented lately have been providing mediocre service at best. Which really calls into question the notion of gratuity. When I dine out, I am often looking for a gastronomic experience, but providing good food is not sufficient. The service is key, where the hell do I have to go to be treated like a valued customer? Another observation is that I have received consistently better service from males than females. What is going on here ladies? Time to take that chip off your shoulder and do your job properly.

In other news, I discovered a great Mexican restaurant in Montreal, not one of those cliche places with cheap dirty food and big drinks (probably meant to help you not notice how bad the food is). The food was amazing, the drinks were very tasty, and the place had great ambiance, it is called Limon - you should check it out! (also their website is very functional, and for an added bonus, it has awesome Chihuahua's wearing sombrero's)

Shoes

I haven't had many rant or rave topics lately, most of my thoughts have been easily contained to 140 characters and expressed via Twitter. But I have a few items I want to air out.

First, shoes. Shoes are an essential staple to our lives, for function, health and safety, and fashion of course. While some bohemians reject them, most people own a variety of shoes, some more than others. We live in a society where we analyze and judge each other in many ways and appearance is near the top of the list. With that said, for the life of me I cannot comprehend why people chose to wear shoes that are completely dilapidated, worn down, dirty and barely functional! This is not just about style, but your own health and safety. I cannot believe how many people I saw this past weekend walking the dirty streets of Montreal with holes in their shoes. Holes in the toe, holes in the soles. Holes, holes, holes. I can't accept that these people simply cannot afford another pair. It is simply laziness and lack of caring.

You look like trash and you are probably going to get some bizarre infection!

I can appreciate a great pair of shoes, that are so comfy and easy to wear that you just can't part with them. But there comes a point where you really have to say goodbye and move on. That includes when your heel is shredded, or the tip is non-existent.

As a shoe fanatic myself, I beg of you to take care of your shoes, clean them, buff them, mend them. But when they are irreparable, discard them and treat-yo-self to something new.

Also, another peeve of mine is people who have poor gait and walking abnormalities. The wear and tear on your shoes will happen a lot faster, because they are most likely not designed to support your walking style. If you find you have a strange wear pattern on your shoes, have a gait analysis conducted, this will help you find a supportive athletic shoe, and maybe with some treatment you can correct some issues, as this will obviously impact your health and well being.

Furthermore, to the ladies who lack the coordination to walk properly in a not flat shoe, please learn how or stop wearing heels. You are going to injure yourself, or give yourself premature arthritis, and you also cause me pain when I see you tromping around and torturing your shoes, they never did anything to you!

Stay sharp and keep your shoes neat and clean.

Food Diary

I am not sure how many people keep an actual food diary or log. I have tried variations of this in the past with little to no success. For awhile I was roughly counting calories, just keeping track in my head and being conscious of what I was putting in my mouth throughout the day. That actually worked for me for a short while. But there is so much more to tracking what you eat than just calories. Lately, I have really been focusing on the nutrients in my food and the variety of what I eat. However, I can't be bothered to write in a little journal, book, excel file, whatever, what I eat and how much and blah blah blah.

Somewhat organically, I managed to combine a new and fun hobby with a practical tool such as a food diary. I have recently joined the wonderful world of Pinterest, and while joyously pinning random things that I enjoy, I noticed that food and recipes was one of the most popular categories. It started with me looking up some new recipes for one of my weekend cooking days, and I pinned the photos of each dish and then went ahead and made them. The next time I was trying to think of what to pin, I looked up photos similar to the dinner I had just created that night, when suddenly I thought that I should pin my daily dinner, or something I ate that day, or even just craved. All of a sudden, I have a visual track of what I have been eating lately. While my pins aren't always exact replicas of my meals, making it hard to make caloric comparisons, generalizations can be made. I can see how frequently I consume carbs, or what veggies I get more of than others.

I thought it was pretty clever, and I love looking at the photos. Makes me hungry just thinking about it.. mmmm

If you want to check out What's Cooking click the link!

Choices and Quality of Life

No matter how you spin it, everything comes down to choices. Some days you are presented with a cornucopia of choices, other days it may seem that you are constrained and stripped of any free will. Making decisions of any consequence can be overwhelming. Yes or no, left or right, paper or plastic, chicken or beef.  Sometimes you have so many options, your mind can't even begin to process it all and sometimes you have to face a choice that can change the course of your life.

When recently faced with a monumental decision, I realized how many choices I had been making everyday. I wanted to make changes in my life, and this was not an easy task, I faced many obstacles. However, I chose to continually be proactive and strive for change, despite how challenging and exhausting the process had been. I could have easily decided to do nothing and wait for something to happen, eventually. By making choices, suddenly I found myself with a "good problem to have", I was presented with 2 distinct, yet appealing offers. My career and lifestyle were at stake here. And no, you can't always have both.

I spent 2 days weighing the pros and cons of each option, spinning my wheels, trying to come to a conclusion that I wouldn't regret in the future. The bottom line came down to the choice between a lot of money but a lot of stress or less money but a much more enjoyable existence. While money can provide a certain lifestyle, how good can it be when you are too tired or busy to enjoy it? There were other key variables involved in making this decision, but in the end I chose to have a great life. One of the most difficult decisions of my life, to date. I am so happy with the choice I made and it only took a few hours, endless conversations and some lost sleep. Quality of life trumps all.

It's time to make a choice. What do you say to taking chances?

After writing this blog post I found an article that highlights the factors that went into making my decision on which job to accept. It is about more than just $$ - read more for yourself here

Soup's Up

Soup has to be one of the easiest things to cook from scratch. Even for the most novice chef, you need to walk away from the cans (and tetra packs) head over to produce, put a few colourful and flavourful things into your basket and head back to your kitchen. Soup is also an awesome dish to cook up on a cold winter weekend, and make a big batch so you have extra during the week.

To begin you can make your own stock (chicken + onion + celery + carrot + water x heat to boil and simmer) or you can use a premade stock or quickly make some with a bouillon and water.

Once you have stock ready on the side, you want to start with a flavourful base, definitely saute some onions, you can add celery and carrots, or whatever tickles your fancy. Once that is aromatic toss in the rest of your chopped up veggies and stock, bring it to a boil and then let it simmer to bring out all of the flavours.

Personally, I enjoy a thick and hearty soup, but not necessarily cream soups, so I usually toss in a potato or two. After about 20 minutes on the heat, I like to use a hand blender (or potato masher) to thicken up the soup and make it less brothy. I only do a few quick blends, because I like the soup to be thick and hearty, and still chunky with lots of veggies floating around. If you prefer something completely pureed, just keep the blender in there until you have a smooth consistency.

For those who like a brothy soup, you can always add some pasta toward the end for added texture. The best types are small ones like alphabets, orzo, ancini di peppe, etc. If you are making a simple chicken soup, you can use something with more substance like tortolini.

I often hear people complain that they don't know how to cook, or are not creative enough. Soup is a great place to start, and it is pretty difficult to mess it up. Vegetable soup is one of the most basic things to start with. And for those who need a little inspiration here is what I put in the soup I made this weekend:

- onion, celery, carrot, zucchini, potato, white beans, tomato, spinach; and for a kick of flavour I added some garlic, marjoram and just a light sprinkle of curry powder

This is a wonderful, healthy and inexpensive meal to make. When I plan to cook with lots of produce, I head over to a small independent grocer in my area, it is not a fancy place, but the savings are well worth it, I bought 2 bags of produce for $7.00. Significantly cheaper than your big box grocery stores!

Good Deeds

Once again, the Christmas season tends to bring out the better and yes sometimes even the worst in people. This time of year there are so many campaigns and efforts for charitable causes that are worthy of your generosity. Again, we shouldn't need a reminder such as the holidays to extend our kindness to those less fortunate, but I too seem to get caught up in the day to day throughout the year that I don't focus on these kind deeds. This year at my office Christmas party we were asked to donate goods for an organization that provides various services for women in need. I felt so blessed (and warm inside) to be able to share and give to this organization.

So next time you see a salvation army kettle, a food drive, a toy drive, take a moment to be thankful for what you have and do what you can to help others. It will make someone's day and probably yours as well. Also, with the Christmas spirit in full swing you may be more motivated to engage in random acts of kindness. Sometimes it can be as simple as complimenting how wonderful someone looks today, holding the door open for the people behind you, paying for the order of the person behind you in the Tim Horton's drive thru (how truly Canadian!).

Take some time today (and throughout the year) to do something nice for someone else, it is amazing how it can make you feel!

Holiday Cheer

Tis the season to eat, drink and be merry! It is also the season where we are compelled to reflect and express our appreciation to others. While we shouldn't need occasions to remind us to be grateful for those around us, we all take the people we care about for granted at times and then can't help but get caught up in the spirit of the season with the warm fuzzies. So as you write your Christmas cards and prepare to make the Yuletide gay, allow me to take this opportunity share a small nugget of wisdom: say what you mean and mean what you say!

Take this time to tell the people who matter to you, what they mean to you and how much you appreciate them. With that said, you can also spare me the gag inducing scripted b.s. that is often spewed out of "protocol" and "obligation". You can't treat people like they are second rate and then at the end of the year put on a dog and pony show to illustrate your "gratitude". It is condescending and patronizing. My suggestion: just be real, raise your glass, wish everyone a Happy Holiday or god forbid a Merry Christmas and get on with it.

Also, remember to make time for the people who matter. While the end of the year is often a hectic time, it is prudent to share in joy and laughter with those who are near and dear to us.

Merry Christmas!

Fa-Fa-Fa-Fashion

Ok, so I am looking for some feedback and guidance on this topic.

I recently made the decision to refocus my wardrobe and collection and start to acquire more high end fashion items. A little material maturation if you will. I'm after key pieces that every girl should have. So I started to make a list of what I want / should get. I know this is a costly endeavour, but I see it as an investment. High quality and classic style will last for years to come. While it will take years to get around to accumulating this collection, this is how it is starting to shape up:

- a few functional and versatile hand bags

- a belted trench (I have an off white one for fall/spring, but could use a winter one)

- a cashmere scarf (likely classic Burberry check)

- Hermès gloves

- a classic timepiece

- a statement piece (jewelry) 

- functional, yet stylish flats

- a killer pair of heels (have my eye on some Choo's)

- the perfect LBD

So now I turn it over to you. What else should be on my list? Any specific examples of things that I have mentioned?

Halp! Thanks in advance.

xoxo

Working for the Weekend

Is everyone working for the weekend? Are they going off the deep end? Are you happy in your current position? If you aren't, maybe it is time for a change. That might be easier said than done, but it is worth trying!

In business, it can become very easy to be controlled by your bottom line and to be blinded from the bigger picture. Of course you want to be productive and profitable, but sometimes you have to spend money to make money. The cheapest and easiest way to get from A to B may not be the best solution if you eventually have to get from A to Z. Look at the innovative companies out there and what they do for their employees, much of their success is due to the fact that their employees are happy and productive. Building a positive and productive climate will help you retain your employees, which is key for long term success.

It isn't always about big, elaborate, over the top ideas. Perhaps small and semi regular incentives can make a significant difference. Recently I read that the number 1 factor in employee satisfaction was having a flexible schedule. Providing flexibility makes it easier for employees to keep up with their lives beyond the workplace and I would assume that subsequently, these people have much less life stress getting in the way of their work. Incentives are a great way to motivate people into action. However, there are caveats: a pizza lunch, or cupcakes might improve your team's dynamic and attitude for the day, but are there any long term effects of a cheap lunch once per quarter? I think not. Don't get too smug, just because you do a nice gesture once. Small incentives and gestures of appreciation can go a long way. Sometimes your situation may limit what you can offer. But if you have the ability to go big, do it! Bear in mind the old adage 'penny wise, pound foolish'. Don't become a victim of your bottom line.

"Once in a while you can squeeze a 70 hour work week from someone if you promise them a big bonus. However, if you want to dedicate their idle brain cycles to the success of the company, if you want them to act as a team and to avoid the pursuit of their personal gain in petty office politics, you need to enable them to win big when the company wins big. When a company decides not to give equity to it's employees, it focuses so much on the short term that it's bound to become irrelevant ten years from now." -YG (In: Next Montreal)

Also, I think it is important to take a chance on those still rising to their full potential. Companies seem so bent on finding the best in the industry, someone with a proven track record, which intuitively makes sense. But that person has already developed their style and methods and may not fit into every situation. Instead there should be a shift in focus to moulding fresh talend to suit your company and team of employees. Everyone wants a guarantee of performance, but there is always a learning curve, no matter how much experience you have.

“Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it” - Thoreau

When to Stop

Lately I have been thinking about when to stop. As my friend so frequently reminds me with the following phrase: "start at the beginning and when you get to the end - stop".

But where is the end? How do you know?

Sometimes it can be really obvious, but more and more I am realizing that it isn't always so black and white. In a slightly trivial example, I am currently searching for a great hotel to stay at in NYC. Now we are only there for 3 nights and we only have 2 full days and want to maximize our time in the city. There are so many factors at play here, location and price being at the top of the list, but we also want to stay somewhere nice, it is ladies weekend afterall and we want to indulge a bit. So how do I know that a hotel is good enough? If I keep looking maybe I will find a better deal? I don't want to be disappointed!

Similarly, I was just discussing with someone the perils of shopping for a wedding dress. How do you really know that you have found the perfect dress. Some people say that there is just a feeling and you just know. But what if you don't get the "feeling" or you get a lot of "feelings" how do you decide? And how can you be confident that once you commit to a dress you won't change your mind.

Obviously, these examples may seem silly, but this idea applies to greater things as well. I am once again working on my manuscript. Another situation where there is no set completion point. You write a paper, you do your best to make it thorough and credible, but now you need to adjust it to fit the audience you are hoping to submit it to. Does it ever end? There will always be revisions you can make, so how do you know when you are at the end and just STOP?

What does it take to be satisfied?

Perspective

Life happens, how will you handle the curve balls life chucks at your head?

Does everything happen for a reason? Or is that just something we say to make ourselves feel better and justify a situation? I believe there is something to be learned from every life experience, is that the same concept?

Recently, yet again, I found myself with a cancelled flight in my connecting location. This time I was in Minneapolis/St Paul for a full 2 days before I could get back home. At first this seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. The location was not all that entertaining but it gave me time to reflect. After the initial panic and reacting without thinking through all of my options, I started to see the big picture. Aside from the cost that this delay would incur, what did I have to lose being there? Sure there would be some mild issues with time off at work, but in the grand scheme of things, I had nothing planned for the 2 days I was stuck in Minnesota. No one was going to die, the world would continue to spin, life would go on. Besides my job, which doesn’t require my presence, nothing was waiting for me, nothing is relying on me, I have no real responsibility. It made me realize how I have nothing critical going on in my life and despite appearances, I do have a lot of freedom right now.

My financial obligations (rent, bills, etc) quickly make me feel like a prisoner to the daily grind. But this experience opened my eyes to the fact that I can do anything I want right now (within reasonable limits). My current job is temporary, I do want to maintain an income, but losing this job wouldn’t really have a negative impact on my larger life.

As much as part of me would love to just pick up and disappear for a while, I can’t do it without a purpose (or maybe I can?). But I promise that as soon as I find a purpose (or enough courage), I will make the change. Now if only it were that easy, to just let go of the "responsibilities" I have and feel obligated to. But I maintain the hope.

Anyone up for an adventure?

Vacation

Vacation is critical for survival. I think everyone should take the time and make the effort. Maybe you can't afford to galavant across the globe, but even a few days out of the city away from your "daily life" is important so you can relax and recharge.

Proof that vacation does me good:



Quarterlife Crisis

There has been research and discussion as of late, suggesting that the quarterlife crisis is now more common than the midlife crisis. I know I can certainly relate to many things discussed in the following article. I am sure you can too.

Quarterlife-Crisis

Very interesting and enlightening read. Enjoy.

Failure

I am grateful for this day.

Sometimes life can throw a lot at you and it can be a lot to take. My life seems to have established a pattern of all or nothing. When negative things start to happen, it quickly becomes a rapid fire of disappointment, pain, and rejection in various parts of my life, and I am left to try to sort it all out while life carries on with or without me. We often dwell on the overwhelming amount of negativity we experience, especially if it seems constant, and in doing so we can miss the more subtle cues of positivity surrounding us. Maybe you had a bad day, but was every moment of that day bad? Or were there some positive moments tucked in there too?

I know it is not easy to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, time and time again, in order to keep going, especially when you keep getting knocked down. You should not be ashamed of your struggle, but rather rejoice that you have come through it and share it with others. It is ok to take a break from being strong and allow yourself some time to be weak. Personally, I usually end up in the fetal position, crying until I can’t breathe. But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day – what I mean is, an afternoon of crying is not typically followed by a day of being a super hero. The next day should be a small improvement on the day before. For me this means, limiting my crying to short bouts and finding distractions.  Eventually you “get mad, get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand”.

It is exceptionally challenging when you have to struggle and fight in isolation. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, and I am ever so thankful that our paths led us to each other; however, I am very sad that none of these individuals live in the same city as me. But I am also very thankful for technology that allows us to stay connected despite our geographical proximity. I try to focus on the positive, but I know all too well that even that may not be enough. I have a vacation coming up in 16 days, while I am looking forward to it, the prospect of this trip is not sufficient to pull me out of this funk.

What lesson can I learn from my latest series of rejection and failure? Well, if the past is any indication of the future, I will experience these negative funks again and again. And just like the past, I will get through them, maybe a little worse for wear, maybe a little better?

Positive moments today:
- making delicious pasta with fresh zucchini and onions
- being told I am a “whiz” with wedding stuff
- made plans to hang out with my favourite 15 month old this weekend

Friends

I suppose there may not be a universal definition of friendship, as individuals we create our own vision and expectations for things so there may be no real answer to this, but I would like to share my perspective on friendship.

First, I realize that most people only have a few close true friends, and this is where I will emphasize quality over quantity. Beyond that, we have casual friends and then former friends/colleagues, the people you make small talk with when you run into them. Social relationships are part of the human existence. In addition, I am well aware that as life evolves, relationships change. People will come and go in our lives, but the ones who matter will last the test of time.

A friend is someone you can be your true self with, as they say someone who knows you and likes you anyways. I believe that key traits of friendship include, sacrifice, give and take, forgiveness, understanding and communication. A friendship should never be one-sided and they should be nurtured and filled with trust, honesty, sincerity and loyalty. Friends have the intuition to know when something is up and know to inquire and lend their support. A true friend stands by your side, through all of the trials and tribulations that life may throw your way.

My only expectation of my friends is that they make an effort. We live in an era of global communication, it is not that difficult to find ways to stay in touch and reach out to your friends. For those who believe that “busy” is a valid excuse, my response is simply that you have poor time management skills, and as a friend I would offer to help you with that. I am very busy, and I regularly communicate with people who are even busier than I am. If we can make it work, anyone can.

Some may disagree, but I believe that my friendship is an earned privilege and I equally believe that I should earn the friendship of others. The reason that I feel it is a privilege is because I give all of myself to my friends and I do not appreciate those who are undeserving taking advantage of my good nature. Being my friend comes with an impressive benefits package.

Benefits include but are not limited to, unlimited communication minutes, advice when requested and even when not requested, unconditional support, respect, packing and moving services, dog sitting, baby sitting, overseeing home renovations while you are away, private investigation of intriguing individuals, etc. I do all of this and more with the only expectation being that in return, when the time comes and I need something, my friend will return the favour.

To those who are genuine with me, thank you for being a friend.

“Understand that friends come and go, but a precious few who should hold on, work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, for as the older you get the more you need the people you knew when you were young.” – Baz Luhrman

Chaos in Crowds

Once again I am reminded how social norms and graces have faded and we live in an egocentric society, in addition to the fact that general stupidity increases with crowd size.  Here are a few examples based on my recent experiences, particularly during the celebration of Canada Day in Ottawa.

A quick tip for managing yourself in a crowd: planning! Know what you are getting yourself into and prepare for it. Going to Parliament Hill during an official visit by the Duke and Duchess, it was reported that crowds were anticipated to be over 300,000 people. My friends at Environment Canada warned me that it would be hot and sunny. Water, sunscreen, knowledge of my surroundings all provided an enjoyable experience on Canada Day. The crowd was large, and if you wanted to exit the crowd, essentially the only option was finagling your way backwards. Through this:

 This is the only way out. Good luck!

If you have a low IQ, learn to speak quietly. I understand that you might not realize how dumb you sound, but you may want to consider the people in your general network and their level of intelligence, it will likely reflect yours. Typically, in your effort to sound smart and sophisticated, you attain the opposite result. Just because you know it is called a Fascinator, does not impress me, especially when you follow that big word with reference to a maple leaf being a “Canada Leaf”.  

When did being considerate stop being the norm? Cutting in line and thrusting through crowds - who are you? You do not get to bypass protocol. If you wanted to be in a certain place, perhaps you should have planned better. And no, this isn’t Disney, there is no fast pass. If you think about it, it is probably one of the very first things you ever learned in school, how to line up. Our world is filled with lines, and waiting in them, don’t act like this is a foreign concept.

Also, if people are being reasonable, it is unreasonable for you to interfere with what they are doing. Quick newsflash, fireworks happen in the sky, therefore you do not need to stand and block my seated view of them, nor do you need to run toward them.

There is a definite lack of respect in society. Everyone deserves respect. With that said, a certain subset of society that you should pay particular respect to: law enforcement. If you think that mouthing off to a cop is going to get you anywhere other than in cuffs, think again.

Now for a bit of a sub-topic: Kids in crowds.

First I want to share a beautiful commentary on parenting and managing children in public. LZ Granderson made my day with this article. The footnote reads that the opinions are solely those of Granderson. I disagree, since they are absolutely my opinion too!!!

Why would you subject your children to such pandemonium? The Canada Day set up included multiple “lost children” tents. Those are designed for inadequate parents. Does your kid really care what Stephen Harper has to say? Do they want to hear the loud 21 gun salute or fly over? Do they really know who the Royals are? If you want to be part of this event, find a babysitter!

The ULTIMATE pet peeve on this topic: STROLLERS!!! (aka: fortress on wheels, baby SUV, etc.). Where on Earth do you think you are going with that contraption in a crowd that involves being shoulder to shoulder, ass to crotch, in your face with hundreds of thousands of people. This also extends to pets, your dog is going to get trampled. All of these behaviours are simply asking for trouble. Solution: DON’T DO IT.

Moreover, rush hour is not the place to extend some independence to your child. When mass exodus is occurring on public transportation, particularly at the end of the day, pick up your kid and move it. I’m hot, tired, hungry and cranky, I’m sorry if I just whacked your kid in the head with my bag.

Hope everyone had a great long weekend on both sides of the border!

Undoing the Ugly

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you, readers, that what I post here are my thoughts, not yours. You don’t have to agree with what I say, but you know I am right. With that said...

Are you tired of the visual pollution that populates the streets and spaces around you? Do you contribute to this pollution?

I genuinely believe that everyone should love themselves, be proud of who they are and have great self-esteem. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a hot mess. Based on my observations, it seems that if everyone put in just a little more effort, it would go a long way. Society could be significantly less ugly, with small changes.

First and foremost – hygiene. Please bathe, clean yourself and keep everything fresh, regularly. Furthermore, groom - you need to start with a good hair cut. Go to a proper stylist, they will help you. If you don’t want to spend a lot of time fussing with your hair, ask for a low maintenance cut. This is the foundation for looking fabulous. Gents, keep the facial hair under control.

Next, clothes. I promise that you know at least one person who has a good sense of fashion and style. If you can’t figure it out for yourself, ask someone to help you. There are some fashion essentials that can provide the basic structure of a respectable wardrobe. A key concept to wearing clothes that appears to elude many people is a proper fit. Maybe you should watch a few episodes of “What Not to Wear” – they are all about dressing the body you have. I know that sometimes as your body changes, you don’t want to buy new clothes, but believe me when I say you should. Now an important tip for my ladies: Get a bra that fits! There is no reason your boobs should be droopy or lumpy. This is an important investment, so don’t be frugal in this department.

Please keep your pyjamas, sweat pants, crocs, ripped/dirty apparel, etc behind the closed doors of your home.

The extras. Girls if you are going wear makeup, do it properly. Again, if you need help, get a consultation and keep it simple, do not over do it. Same with accessories and anything else involved in creating your “look”. In addition, I know how hard it is to part with some of your favourite things, but it is very important to recognize when something has been around too long to be seen in public.

I’m not suggesting that you change everything and strive to be a super model. This is about modification, and small improvements. You don’t need to be a fashion icon, just presentable.

Keep it pretty people!

The Wedding Series: Bridesmaids

This post is focused on the bridal party, with some comments on budgeting and of course, etiquette!

What a thrill it is to be asked to stand up in a wedding. Unfortunately, sometimes this reaction starts to fade as the countdown to the wedding moves along. We have heard about Bridezillas and even Bridesmaidzillas, I have been fortunate enough to not have to deal with any of these (yet) and I certainly feel for those who have. When someone asks you to be part of their wedding day, most people’s instant response is an ecstatic YES. But is that always the best answer?

Standing up in a wedding is a both a burden on your finances and on your time, sometimes it may not be entirely feasible to be such an integral part of someone’s wedding. There is nothing wrong with saying NO. To date, I have not had to stand in more than 1 wedding per year and I do not envy those who hit the jackpot and are asked to be in multiple weddings within one season. Sometimes it may not be realistic for you to be in a bridal party, maybe there is another way for you to have a special role at the wedding without all of the demands of being an actual attendant.

Brides also need to really consider who they are asking to stand with them and why. It isn’t easy for someone to decline the request of being a bridesmaid, so it is important to note if this person can feasibly do it. Particularly if the bridesmaid is an out of towner (a role that I know all too well), for instance, I only have enough vacation time to travel for one wedding this year. Additionally, it can be difficult to manage and balance emotions and practicality, there is no manual on how to deal with such intricate situations. Be careful whose feelings you hurt in the name of practicality. Your best friend might not look like a model, or be crafty, organized and a total DIY girl but that doesn’t mean you should snub her for the cookie cutter fill in. Remember who is the person that is there for you, through the good, bad and ugly and will most likely be there with you 25 years from now. Cherish that.

Now for some advice on how to successfully manage the journey of being a bridesmaid...

After the initial excitement of the future wedding passes, you will want to discuss with the bride what her expectations are for your role in the wedding and ultimately what you are expected to pay for, and it is important that she recognize and respect the limits of your resources to be part of this event. The sooner you have this discussion, the easier the process will be and you won’t be caught off guard with surprise duties and expenses. Contrary to what the “how to” book or bridal magazine told you the bride and groom should be prepared to bear the brunt of most of the costs associated with the wedding and most related events, especially if they are calling any of the shots. You cannot expect anyone to pay for your events, but you should be very grateful to those who are generous enough to contribute to your costs. Do not subscribe to the grid that states the groom’s parents pay for the booze, the bride’s parents pay for the food, etc. that is not reality. From the outset of your planning, you need to establish a budget that is based on what you can afford and what others are willing to contribute. Once you know what number you are able to work with, let the planning begin and do not get carried away unless you have the dollars to back it up. Your dream may not be your reality. Sorry to burst that bubble.

Wedding traditions have evolved leaps and bounds since they originated, so let me clear up some facts. Once upon a time, an event was held to shower a bride with gifts to prepare her for her new life away from her parent’s home. Currently, many modern brides choose to plan their own bridal shower, and typically the mothers (of both bride and groom) or maybe another close relative will pay for this event. If you expect your bridesmaids to throw your shower, you will have very little say in the event and don’t be surprised if it is a lemonade and tea party in someone’s back yard. Depending on your situation (i.e., if you already have a furnished home with your soon to be spouse) it may be a bit gauche to have a shower at all. Despite the evolution of the bridal shower, some trends are just not acceptable, in particular a money shower. This is a fundraiser, and that is not ok. I am sorry that you cannot manage your finances and have massive debt, or are simply full of greed. You have the opportunity to register for gifts, and even the depths of the registry have evolved, you can register for just about anything now, but it is still not ok to ask for cash. If you really don’t need any gifts then don’t have a shower.

As for the bachelorette party, I will gladly take you out for dinner and drinks, if you have further expectations take it up with your friend who has a money tree. I am not a money pit and I will not expect you to be a money pit on my behalf when the tables turn. Furthermore, said dinner and drinks will not involve penis paraphernalia, absurd games, or tasks that require you to make an ass out of yourself. I have a more refined sense of fun, sorry to disappoint you.

A final comment to all bridesmaids, do not lose sight of what this is about: NOT YOU! Your job is to support the bride, help her plan and organize, keep the peace, lend an ear and shoulder when the planning gets stressful and ultimately wear the dress she picked for you and smile.

The Wedding Series: Intro to Etiquette

It is wedding season, as such I am preparing a few instalments of wedding related posts. Before we get into any specifics or stories, I need to discuss something very important, the corner stone of planning a wedding or any other event. Etiquette.

There is nothing worse than when people do not know proper etiquette and make horrifying and embarrassing errors. Let’s be honest, most people are not well versed in hosting events, therefore you should probably consult with someone, a book, the internet, etc. The resources are there for you, use them. For example, there are certain timelines that you should follow such as when to send invitations, and how soon to send thank you notes (fyi: immediately!!).

One big faux pas is “cash bar” (my how those words turn my stomach). You would not invite someone into your home and ask them to pay to eat or drink. I do not care what honky tonk trailer park you rolled up from, it is NEVER ok to ask people to pay for things. Here come some key words that I may repeat at various times < IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT, DON’T DO IT >. It might be your dream to have a big fancy wedding, but that might not be your reality. For this I suggest 2 things, either wait until you can afford this grand affair OR simplify it to reflect your budget. Do you really need hundreds of guests at this event? I am Italian, it is expected that I will have a big fat Italian wedding, but honestly, there are about 30 people that I truly want to share that day with me. So get back to basics and figure out your priorities.

Something else that I personally find absolutely abhorrent is a little event known by various names: stag and doe, buck and doe, jack and jill, whatever you want to call it, it's trash. This is a party and fundraiser for an engaged couple. Yes, you read that correctly FUNDRAISER.

To be more precise here is a little quote from my friend Wikipedia:

It is not a combined bachelor and bachelorette party, or engagement party, as the primary focus is to raise money for the engaged couple, so their new life together is not started in debt. The intent of a stag and doe is specifically to make a profit. Hosting a stag and doe does not preclude the couple from participating in other wedding-related parties, such as a bridal shower, bachelor party, bachelorette party and so on. In addition to purchasing entrance tickets, guests bid on silent auction prizes, participate in 50-50 draw and purchase liquor.

If you are not appalled by this concept, I do NOT want to be your friend. Please don't ever insult me by inviting me to one of these charity grab events. I am Italian, you know this means you will get a lovely gift from your registry for the shower, and a well stuffed envelope the day of your wedding. If you feel that this is not sufficient, you are pathetic and need to re-evalute your life. Once again, if you can't afford it, don't do it. 

There is no excuse for failing to adhere to proper etiquette. No matter how unique or different you think you are and that your wedding is so different from the norm, someone else has already done it. Do not think that special rules apply to you regardless of what you are doing there IS a proper way to go about things. Please adhere to proper etiquette, thank you.